75 replies to this topic

[wildcats25]

okay, its a random title. i have no clue what it means.

i'm a gimp on Gimp2.0, hence, the lack of word balloons.

upper right corner just tells me that i need to invest in a T-Square.

format = 8.5x11 paper, blues, pencils and only 4 panels per page. i seem to work better at this number of panels.

oh, and i need crits.

PAGE ONE ***added a new page one, in the noir style***

Attached Images

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Edited by wildcats25, 02 August 2009 - 08:32 PM.

[EGoff]

Way to go Wildcats. Let's see you keep it up.

[Sweattshop]

wildcats25, on Apr 27 2009, 08:58 PM, said:

okay, its a random title. i have no clue what it means.
i'm a gimp on Gimp2.0, hence, the lack of word balloons.
upper right corner just tells me that i need to invest in a T-Square.
format = 8.5x11 paper, blues, pencils and only 4 panels per page. i seem to work better at this number of panels.

oh, and i need crits.
PAGE ONE

In the bottom two panels the characters are looking at each other?

Edited by Sweattshop, 27 April 2009 - 11:08 PM.

[rmansperger]

interesting setup to the story wildcats25, can't wait to see where this goes. It currently feels like a mystery/crime noir piece given the dialog and introductory setting.

I really like the limitation of four panels to a page. It will be interesting to see how you work through the storytelling page to page with this self-imposed restriction.

Crits and suggestions
1. In the bottom two panels - it appears the two characters are talking to each other as opposed to the waitress. If this is the case, I think you can adjust the position of "Hannah" so that she appears in the same perspective as the (currently) unnamed man.

2. You need to pop the dialog and captions off the page a little more and make the text a little more bold to help its legibility.

3. The caption reads "11:15 PM" yet the images all look as though it is mid-afternoon. Some shadows around the diner can reinforce the time as will making it dark outside through the window with one or two street lights flickering.

4. Think about the setting that the characters inhabit - is it a clean pristine environment? is it grimy / filthy? Is there wallpaper on the walls or plain paint? Is the counter top a solid color or a textured surface? Adding these types of little details can go along way in making the word the characters occupy feel more solid and tactile to help the reader immerse themselves in the story.

Still, a good start to the story wildcats25 -- keep the pages rolling.

Edited by rmansperger, 28 April 2009 - 04:26 AM.

[wildcats25]

Thanks guys

Sweatt = yes they are supposed to be looking at each other.

Rmansperger= if I change the positioning of her head to fit perspective, it might be just the back of her head. I was just going to do different angles on both, but I needed to tell the reader that they are on “the same page” no pun intended. I just didn’t want to show the back of her head.
Okay, I’ll use a BOLD font for the next page. Maybe that may help.
I like the shadow idea.

Thanks for just looking at the page guys. Like I said, no plan, just random; I’m also open to suggestions if anyone has any.

[rmansperger]

wildcats25, on Apr 28 2009, 06:28 AM, said:

if I change the positioning of her head to fit perspective, it might be just the back of her head. I was just going to do different angles on both, but I needed to tell the reader that they are on “the same page” no pun intended. I just didn’t want to show the back of her head.

I would suggest then changing the camera angle to be showing the two characters from the waitress' point of view - thus allowing you to focus on the characters more as opposed to the backs of their heads. Create a more "intimate" view of the man and Hannah so to speak and provide some additional subtle body language to show any tension the man has about staying longer than necessary.

[Yncke]

I think it looks good!

(If you're interested, I could write you a step by step tutorial on how I make text balloons with Inkscape.)

[rmansperger]

Yncke, on Apr 28 2009, 01:07 PM, said:

(If you're interested, I could write you a step by step tutorial on how I make text balloons with Inkscape.)

I think we'd all love to see a tutorial on making text balloons with Inkscape if you want to put one together and post it in the tutorials wiki section.

[wildcats25]

Yncke, on Apr 28 2009, 04:07 PM, said:

I think it looks good!

(If you're interested, I could write you a step by step tutorial on how I make text balloons with Inkscape.)

any help would be great!

thanks

[Yncke]

Here it is.

[Scott]

fyi... Im not the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to this sorta stuff... I see the name, i found the link to the program via wiki, I get completely lost at this point on how to download it so I can use it.

Any help? Im running a normal PC with Vista basic home

[EGoff]

Yncke, on Apr 29 2009, 02:20 PM, said:

Here it is.

Well done Yncke! I'm totally stoked to see someone use the wiki. Now anytime someone mentions word balloons you be sure and tell them that we've got that information right here on the web-site

[Yncke]

Scott, on Apr 30 2009, 02:18 AM, said:

fyi... Im not the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to this sorta stuff... I see the name, i found the link to the program via wiki, I get completely lost at this point on how to download it so I can use it.

Any help? Im running a normal PC with Vista basic home

There's a 'downloads' section on the website, with a link to the Windows installer in the Official Release Packages section. Normally, you just download that and doubleclick the installer. (I don't remember if I used the installer or just the 7z archive.) If you have installer problems, there's an Inkscape forum.

We're hijacking Wildcats's thread here. (Sorry Wildcats :s ) Perhaps a moderator can split this off to the general forum?

[wildcats25]

its okay people. as long as we can learn something new!

[rmansperger]

That's the spirit wildcats25

Upon further reflection of the page I was thinking you could almost reuse the second panel in lieu of panels three and four. You would need to slightly alter the position of the waitress and the head position of the two main characters - but that could work.