interesting setup to the story wildcats25, can't wait to see where this goes. It currently feels like a mystery/crime noir piece given the dialog and introductory setting.
I really like the limitation of four panels to a page. It will be interesting to see how you work through the storytelling page to page with this self-imposed restriction.
Crits and suggestions
1. In the bottom two panels - it appears the two characters are talking to each other as opposed to the waitress. If this is the case, I think you can adjust the position of "Hannah" so that she appears in the same perspective as the (currently) unnamed man.
2. You need to pop the dialog and captions off the page a little more and make the text a little more bold to help its legibility.
3. The caption reads "11:15 PM" yet the images all look as though it is mid-afternoon. Some shadows around the diner can reinforce the time as will making it dark outside through the window with one or two street lights flickering.
4. Think about the setting that the characters inhabit - is it a clean pristine environment? is it grimy / filthy? Is there wallpaper on the walls or plain paint? Is the counter top a solid color or a textured surface? Adding these types of little details can go along way in making the word the characters occupy feel more solid and tactile to help the reader immerse themselves in the story.
Still, a good start to the story wildcats25 -- keep the pages rolling.
Edited by rmansperger, 28 April 2009 - 04:26 AM.