6 replies to this topic

[Adam Masterman]

These are a little old (a few months), but it seems like a good time to throw them out there. I did these pages for an editor at Ape, who publish the Pocket God comic series. Didn't land the gig, but I'm still moderately happy with these pages, considering how unusual the style was. All digitally penciled, and I made up my own little story for the sequence. Critique very welcome, as always.

[BLEAGH]

Dood these are superb! Every panel is so full of energy and the environments are top notch! easily readable. Only thing that bothers me is the first page, don't really see how that fits in with the other 3 pages, also whats up with the big finger? is it chasing that one islander? But that all could just be due to me being unfamiliar with the subject

great work all round!

[Ragnaroker]

Excellent expressions.

[Yncke]

Nice pages, I especially like the facial expressions of the shark. I don't know the series, so I'm assuming the bloody end is part of the universe.

One part I was confused about was the third panel of the third page. I had parsed the speck at the horizon as a cow (probably less so at a higher resolution ), and because of that, while I could interpret the shadow as something looming over the character, I couldn't make sense of the pose he was in without reading the next panel.

[EGoff]

Yncke, on 28 January 2012 - 12:56 AM, said:

Nice pages, I especially like the facial expressions of the shark. I don't know the series, so I'm assuming the bloody end is part of the universe.

One part I was confused about was the third panel of the third page. I had parsed the speck at the horizon as a cow (probably less so at a higher resolution ), and because of that, while I could interpret the shadow as something looming over the character, I couldn't make sense of the pose he was in without reading the next panel.

I think Yncke means the third panel of the second page. There are some confusing aspects to the story if you ask me. I totally get what's happening after having gone through it but it could use more clarity.

1) The panel yncke mentioned page2 panel3 is just too tight on the character and the shadow takes up a lot of what is an unusual pose making it hard to figure out what's happening with the character. I didn't realize that you had jumped back to the character in the water after showing the close up of the other two characters. You established the character in the water but not well enough to allow you such a close up after skipping a panel without showing the character.

2)Page 3 panel 1 feels a little bit redundant compared to the reveal of the shark, in fact I think it works better as a the reveal with the shark bearing down on the character and the character panicking.

3) The rest of page three feels a little unclear, I think your generally just too tight in on the character. The last panel works good for the catapult but what leads to the catapult could use a little room to breath. I think if you could show more of the board in that second to last panel or more of what's happening around the board to establish the water to land transition.

4) The first 2/3rds of page 4 are really really nice. I think the second to last panel on page 4 is again a bit redundant to the panel before it. I think you could use it a bit better to set up the last panel. The last panel as is seems a little off, like too final, too soon, like Did I miss something?

Otherwise these pages really have incredible energy, the facial expressions alone sell a lot of the panels. The story itself was fun/funny in the end. Overall you did a good job executing it. Just some tweaks in there could have pushed it over the top for me.

[Adam Masterman]

Hey guys,

thanks for all the feedback; I've been too swamped to reply, but, as always, its really helpful to see through fresh eyes. I think you summed up the biggest problem, Eric:

" I think your generally just too tight in on the character[s]"

Definitely need some long shots and better scene establishing here. Anyway, thanks for the help, all,

Adam

[Eyz]

Very nice artwork!
I'm loving the breakdowns of those scenes, personally